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Category Archives: Comedies

Pretty Woman

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Pretty Woman

Image Credit: Pretty Woman, 1990.

Let’s be clear on one thing- Pretty Woman (Disc/Download) is a FAIRY TALE.  Lest we forget, the characters in this film shout it from balconies, fire escapes, and pool patios.  I fully understand that sex workers cannot expect shopping sprees on Rodeo Drive, private jets to the opera, or men who look like Richard Gere.  But knowing this still doesn’t stop me from squealing with glee when Julia Roberts steps into the lobby of the RegeBevWilsh looking like a million bucks.  Sue me- I’m into fairy tales.

In this classic rom-com, lonely businessman Edward (Richard Gere) picks up plucky sex worker Vivian (Julia Roberts) on a rough stretch of Hollywood Blvd.  He needs someone to drive his Lotus, but can’t resist those long legs and winning smile.  They strike a business arrangement, $3,000 for one week together, but things get messy when feelings develop.   For me, the romance is secondary to the joy I feel watching Vivian transform from an insecure girl in cheap clothing to a woman in a tasteful blazer who finally believes in herself.  Romy and Michele said it best:  “I just get really happy when they finally let her shop.”

No offense to the Regent Beverly Wilshire, which I’m sure is a lovely establishment, but daaaaaamn those hotel sets leave a lot to be desired.  The fussy draperies, the magenta bedroom with steps leading up to the bed- yikes. Edward needs alcohol to charm Vivian, because the “plush digs” sure aren’t doing it.  He orders up some champagne and strawberries, which, depending on the quality of the champagne, would totally work on me.   While watching Pretty Woman, I recommend drinking a Sparkling Strawberry Limoncello cocktail.

Sparkling Strawberry Limoncello

1 1/2 oz Frankly Strawberry Vodka

1/2 oz Limoncello

1/2 oz Simple Syrup

1 oz Lemon Juice

3 oz Champagne

Fresh Strawberry for garnish

Combine Vodka, Limoncello, Simple Syrup, and Lemon juice in a shaker with ice.  Shake until chilled, then strain into a coupe.  Top with champagne, and garnish with a strawberry slice.

Sure, there are some problematic moments in Pretty Woman (I’m actually slightly amazed Jason Alexander had any kind of career in comedy after this movie), but something I love about it is the idea that a woman is more than what she does for a living.  Whether she’s a sex worker or a department store clerk, she has hidden depths that might include a deep love of opera, a talent for understanding human needs and emotions, or a knack for driving race cars. You just never know until you take the time to find out.  Cheers!

Swingers

swingers

Image credit: Swingers, 1996

As a teenager, I must have watched Swingers (Disc/Download) at least a hundred times.  The poster graced the walls of dorm rooms and crappy apartments, and I even made my dad take swing dance lessons with me.  Ordering my first drink in a bar went something like this, “One of the Glen’s, please.  Any Glen.” I’ll admit, the phrase ‘beautiful babies’ makes me cringe in a way it didn’t used to, but dang if the rest of this movie doesn’t still hold up.

Written by and starring Jon Favreau, this was the indie film darling of the 1990s.  Made on a shoestring budget, Swingers launched the careers of Favreau, Vince Vaughn, Ron Livingston, and director Doug Liman, and made big-band music and speakeasy bars cool again.  As an adolescent girl, I viewed the film as valuable insight into the male psyche.  But how to meet a Michael in a world full of Trents?  How to make sure the guy who just asked for your number doesn’t tear it up on the way out the door?  These are still questions I’m not sure I have the answer to, other than to say relationships are a crap shoot, and sometimes, even when it might feel like you’re just the guy behind the guy behind the guy, you can get lucky and the right person will come along and see you.

There is so much alcohol in this film, from martini’s to Budweiser and back again, but the best way to celebrate a “money” guy like Michael is by drinking my preferred Glen, Glenlivet.  Simple, on the rocks, with a pancake chaser after midnight.

Scotch

A quote I always come back to when I’m feeling blue about not being where I thought I’d be by now in my career is Ron Livingston’s classic line, “You don’t look at the things you have, you only look at the stuff that you don’t have.”  I may not have that lucrative book deal or the master bathroom of my dreams, but I’ve got a guy who’ll always call me back, and a blog that brings me joy.  And that’s pretty money if you ask me. Cheers!

500 Days of Summer

500 days of summer

Image credit: 500 Days of Summer, 2009.

I write to you today from the 136th day of summer.  The calendar may say September, the flannel pumpkins may have hit Target shelves, but here in good ole’ Austin we’re still baking in the heat.  You see, summer and I have a bad relationship. Kind of like the bad relationship in this week’s film, 500 Days of Summer (Disc/Download).  Eventually, you just hope someone will put us all out of our misery.

Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tom, and Zooey Deschanel as Summer, the movie relies heavily on colorful visuals, choreographed dance numbers, and omniscient narration to tell the story of a couple’s failed relationship.  She says she’s not looking for anything serious, he doesn’t believe her, they date anyway, and he’s shocked when she dumps him.  Then they kinda-sorta flirt again, before she’s suddenly married to another guy.  Truthfully, Summer is…. awful.  The woman likes Ringo Starr, for god’s sake.  And with her high-waisted trousers, a-line dresses, and cute hair bows, her style is annoyingly perfect.  So why do I watch this movie?  A) because it’s an Anthropologie catalog come to life, and B) Tom.  The man wears sweater vests without irony, he can turn an IKEA trip into the cutest date ever, and don’t even get me started on his drunken karaoke skills.  He can do so much better than Summer.

You must understand– this is a very basic girl masquerading as someone unique. I imagine Summer would take a summer cocktail like the Aperol Spritz and make it in a new way, just because she could.  Is it better? No.  But using Campari instead of Aperol would make her seem cool and different.  While watching this bitter take on modern love, I recommend drinking a Campari Spritz.

Campari Spritz

2 oz Campari

3 oz Champagne

Club Soda

Orange Wedge

Fill a glass with ice.  Top with Campari and champagne, then fill glass the rest of the way with club soda.  Stir gently to combine, and garnish with an orange wedge.

campari spritz

I come down hard on Summer (and summer), but it’s only because I don’t like being told how to feel about a character, or a season.  I don’t want to be forced to like a girl just because she’s a snappy dresser, and I don’t want to be forced to like summer just because the rest of the country has a pleasant climate for 4-5 months.  Let me have grey, rainy days, and strong, authentic female characters; summer is meant for someone else.  Cheers!

Slums of Beverly Hills

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slums of beverly hills

Image credit: Slums of Beverly Hills, 1998.

There’s so much for me to relate to Slums of Beverly Hills (Disc/Download), including (but not limited to): the awkwardness of bra shopping, a childhood of dingbat apartments,; and most of all, a freakish obsession with the book Helter Skelter.  That’s right, I was obsessed with true crime before it was cool.

In today’s world, teenage girls feel free to talk about sex and masturbation and vibrators like it’s nothing.  They don’t wear underwires, and their shorts barely cover their butt cheeks.  Watching Slums of Beverly Hills, it’s very clear that Vivian Abramowitz was born too early. The stuff that was scandalous in 1976 is tame by today’s standards, making this film an interesting time capsule. Even I had to Google a few things, such as—what the heck is a menstrual belt??   But while our societal norms have changed, a few things remain the same. Teenage girls will always feel awkward and out-of-place, they will always be embarrassed by their family, and there will always be people preoccupied with the crimes of the Manson Family (ahem, Quentin Tarantino.  And me).

Viv’s cousin Rita (Marissa Tomei) is the quintessential California chick in the ’70s—beautiful, scattered, and fueled mostly by diuretics and vodka.  This girl needs to get her vitamins where she can.  Let’s celebrate Rita, and the superior fruit crops of California with this Avocado ‘Rita.

Avocado ‘Rita

1/2 ripe avocado, peeled and pitted

1 cup ice

2 oz Reposado tequila

1 oz Cointreau

1 oz Lime Juice

Pinch of salt, plus more for glass.

Rim a glass with salt, and set aside.  Add remaining ingredients to a blender.  Pulse until smooth.  Pour into prepared glass.

Writer/Director Tamara Jenkins has made several films that’ve strongly resonated with me, but none more than this one.  Because to be a teenage girl is to deal with a constant string of dingbats—things that promise the good life but never deliver.  For anyone who’s ever had to accept life and all its disappointments, flaws, etc., this drink’s for you.  Cheers!

Breaking Away

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Breaking Away

Image credit: Breaking Away, 1979.

For anybody who thinks Breaking Away (Disc/Download) is only about cycling, let me enlighten you to the real reason we watch this movie— Dennis. Quaid’s. Abs.  All kidding aside, this is a great flick for when you find yourself in the summer doldrums, waiting for something to change, even when it seems like nothing ever will. It’s a movie about feeling like you’re on the precipice of… something.  You just don’t know what yet.

Starring Beck doppelgänger Dennis Christopher as a teen obsessed with Italian cyclists, Breaking Away follows Dave and his three buddies as they figure out how to go from high school to adulthood.  As “townies” in Bloomington, IN, they’re ridiculed by the university jocks and frat boys, their ambitions reduced to pipe dreams that’ll never come true.  But Dave doesn’t care—he goes after the pretty sorority girl, pretends he’s Italian, and trains obsessively to compete in the local bike race.  His friends think he’s a little nuts, his parents think he’s really nuts, but none of that matters.  He’s got a goal, and nothing’s gonna stop him.

When the Italian racers come to Indiana, they’re sponsored by the Cinzano alcohol brand.  How fortuitous for Cinema Sips!  But the thing is, these Cinzano racers are evil.  Threatened by Dave’s natural talent, they sabotage his bike, leaving him broken and bloody on the side of the road.  So I’m boycotting Cinzano, in favor of my other favorite summertime Italian aperitif Aperol.  While watching Breaking Away, I recommend drinking this Cutter Collins.

Cutter Collins

1 ½ oz Gin

1 ½ oz Aperol

¾ oz Lemon Juice

¼ oz Simple Syrup

4 basil leaves, roughly torn

½ oz Prosecco

Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice, and shake until well chilled and combined.  Strain into a glass filled with crushed ice, and top with prosecco.  Garnish with a sprig of basil.

Cutter

For anyone who’s ever felt like their dreams are unattainable, this is a good reminder that hard work and dedication can go a long way.  Also, it’s okay to ask for a little help from your friends. Especially if that friend is a glistening, shirtless Dennis Quaid. Cheers!

 

Shag

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Shag

Image credit: Shag, 1989.

If you’re a fan of Dirty Dancing and Where the Boys Are, let me introduce you to their love child- Shag (Disc).  This 80s-made/60s-set gem is the kind of movie I would have watched in my VCR until the tape finally wore out.  It’s the summer fling flick I’ve been waiting my whole life for, and luckily, it found me after I was of legal drinking age.

Set in 1963, Shag follows four female friends who take a road trip to Myrtle Beach.  One is escaping a fiancé she’s just not that into, one is escaping her reputation as the “fat girl”, one is trying to be a Hollywood starlet, and then there’s Luanne- the buzzkill with the rad car.  Think Sex and the City, but at the beach in retro dresses.  Of course they meet boys, of course they drink, and of course they find themselves during this wild weekend.  But what I love even more than the production design, costumes, and cheesy script is witnessing the bonds of female friendship.  These girls are there for each other, through sexist beauty pageants, TP’d houses, and beyond.

Because Luanne lays down the law early that her daddy’s bourbon is strictly off-limits, we’ve gotta make do with tequila.  For a fun, summertime movie like this, you need something sweet, sparkling, and deceptively boozy.  I recommend drinking this Strawberry Shag.

 Strawberry Shag

4 strawberries + 1 for garnish

½ oz agave nectar or simple syrup

1 oz lime juice

2 oz tequila

2 basil leaves

6 oz club soda

Blend strawberries, agave nectar, lime juice, tequila, and basil in a blender, without ice.  Strain, and set aside.  Then, add crushed ice to a glass, and pour in the blended mixture.  Top with club soda, and garnish with a strawberry.

Strawberry Shag

I didn’t know until this movie that “shag” was a kind of dance, and not a particularly sexual one.  Plus, Bubble Flip is a hairstyle, not a drink.  JFK is a sweet potato, which means he’s dreamy; but also, I never realized how much he actually looks like a sweet potato. Thank you Shag, for expanding my sixties slang horizons.  Cheers!

Little Voice

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little voice

Image Credit: Little Voice, 1998

For something called Little Voice (Disc/Download), this might be one of the loudest movies I’ve ever experienced.  From the shrill nagging of Brenda Blethyn, to Michael Caine’s tour-de-force meltdown, to the amazing musical mimicry by Jane Horrocks, my ears are still ringing.  Let’s take a quiet breath before we discuss a magical movie that fostered my love of the classic chanteuse.

Set in a crappy seaport town, Little Voice is part of the late ‘90s heyday of quirky British cinema. Films like Brassed OffBilly Elliott, and The Full Monty give the impression that England is a cold, grey place where everyone’s broke, the food is terrible, but somehow people can sing and dance really well.  As Little Voice, Jane Horrocks plays a young woman clearly on the autism spectrum, who has the ability to mimic the famous female singers in her father’s record collection.  She belts out all the standards, sounding EXACTLY like Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey, Marilyn Monroe, and others.  Her promiscuous, neglectful mother dismisses her talent, until third-rate manager Ray Say (played by Michael Caine in one of his most impressive roles) decides LV could be his new cash cow.  They’re cruel enough to be Disney villains, if we’re viewing Little Voice as the endangered princess and Ewan McGregor her pigeon-raising prince. This movie isn’t for everyone, but if you love old records and the cockney accent of Michael Caine, you won’t be disappointed.

Reuniting Moulin Rouge actors Ewan McGregor and Jim Broadbent, Little Voice places Broadbent in the role of Master of Ceremonies once again- this time at Mr. Boo’s nightclub.  He’s got greasy, stringy hair and a sequined jacket, yet he’s the only one who seems to have even half a heart in this abusive situation.  While watching Little Voice, I recommend drinking this Boo’s Muse.

Boo’s Muse

1 ½ oz Gin

½ oz Campari

½ oz Simple Syrup

¾ oz Lemon Juice

½ oz Orange Juice

Sparkling Rosé

Combine gin, Campari, simple syrup, lemon and orange juices in a cocktail shaker with ice.  Shake until chilled, then strain into a glass filled with fresh ice.  Top with sparkling rosé.  Garnish with an orange twist.

Boos Muse

In the end, I still love that this film celebrates the female voice.  Whether it’s Judy, or Marilyn, or Brenda Blethyn screeching at the top of her lungs, they all have the power to stop men in their tracks.  Little Voice’s songs may not be original, but this character is one of a kind.  Cheers!