I’ve spent the month talking about cruise movies, but now I’d like to switch gears and feature a variation on this theme- the land cruise. Inspired by a recent stopover at the Atlantis Bahamas resort, I couldn’t help but think about these giant hotels where everything is at your fingertips, and your only decisions for the day are: which pool, which cocktail, and which pair of culottes. If you want a taste of the luxury resort life, then check out this week’s film, Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar (Disc/Download).
A movie I found funny on first viewing, and absolutely hilarious on subsequent watches, Barb and Star will charm you with their Midwestern accents, their seashell bracelets, and their Talbots resort-casual wardrobes. I like to think of this one as Romy & Michelle for the Golden Girls crowd- not that there’s anything wrong with that! You see, I’ve long believed that if you ever want to put a little sparkle back in your life, a good place to start is a Florida vacation. The fictional Palm Vista Hotel featured in the movie is a magical pastel-hued Barbie Dream House full of seashell beds, ocean views, and friendly bartenders, and just watching BFFs Barb and Star (Annie Mumolo and Kristen Wiig) step into that lobby feels transporting. It also doesn’t hurt that there’s a lively Busby Berkeley-inspired musical number to welcome them, or that Jamie Dornan is there to add a funny romantic twist (along with a strange subplot involving killer mosquitos, but this post isn’t going to be long enough to go into all that). Ultimately, if you learn anything from Barb and Star it should be this: the best ships are friendships. And if Tommy Bahama should one day wander out of the swamp and offer you his calloused hand, take it.
One of my favorite parts of this movie is when Barb and Star drink a giant blue cocktail with their new pal Edgar (Dornan), and proceed to have a wild night of debauchery. I’m not sure exactly what goes into a “Buried Treasure” cocktail, but the Atlantis has a similar-hued drink that’ll give you those Palm Vista vibes. While watching Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar, I recommend drinking a Blue Marlin.
1.5 oz Vodka
1 oz Blue Curaçao
1 oz Triple Sec
2 oz Pineapple Juice
1 oz Lemon Juice
Combine all ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake to chill, then pour into a glass over fresh ice. Or- serve it in a seashell cup!
The thing about land cruises is that you’re able to exist in a tiny self-contained world of pleasure, minus the possibility of sea sickness. You can enjoy the buffet without wondering if you’ll see it again later, and a walk on the beach can be a great way to cap off a perfect day of turtle stalking, shell shopping, and Banana Boat flapping. And if you’re lucky, you’ll even get to meet Trish! Now there’s a woman you can count on. Cheers!