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Cry-Baby

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Image Credit: Universal Pictures, Cry-Baby, 1990

Image Credit: Universal Pictures, Cry-Baby, 1990

I recently finished reading John Waters’ latest book Carsick, detailing his experiences hitchhiking across the US. It was difficult to finish even one page of the book without laughing, and it reminded me of what a brilliant comic mind this man has. To that end, I’m featuring one of my favorite John Waters films this week, Cry-Baby (DVD/Download).

Cry-Baby is a spoof of 1950’s greaser movies, wherein the “Drapes” face off against the “Squares”. Johnny Depp plays Cry-Baby Walker, the hot young leader of the Drapes, who falls for Allison Vernon-Williams, a good girl yearning to be bad. In a great meet-cute scene, they lock eyes over polio vaccinations in the school gym. Imagine! People got immunized and it was no big deal! (I digress). Cry-Baby is populated by B-and C-list stars galore- Traci Lords! Patty Hearst! Troy Donahue! Iggy Pop! Ricki Lake!

Johnny Depp reportedly took the role of Cry-Baby (one of his first film roles following 21 Jump Street) in order to poke fun at his teen-idol image. Well, mission accomplished. As Cry-Baby he’s sexy and funny and just the right amount of campy. It’s so refreshing to see him without weird facial hair or feathers or a Colleen Atwood costume. Watching Cry-Baby has reminded me that not only do I want John Waters to make another film, but I want Johnny Depp to be in it playing an actual human being. A stretch at this point, I know.

My drink this week has to be equal parts hillbilly and 50’s fabulous in order to truly do the film justice. I’m sure Uncle Belvedere makes his own moonshine, but I have to get by with the store-bought stuff. Of course this has to be served in a mason jar (which I assume was the stemware-of-choice at Turkey Point). While watching Cry-Baby, I recommend drinking a Lonely Teardrop.

Lonely Teardrop

½ oz Vodka

½ oz Dutch’s Spirits Sugar Wash Moonshine

¾ oz fresh lemon juice

½ oz Limoncello

2 oz Sprite

3 oz club soda

Fresh rosemary sprigs

Lemon slice

Mix together the spirits and lemon juice in a cocktail shaker. Strain into a mason jar filled with ice. Top with Sprite and club soda. Garnish with rosemary and lemon.

lonely teardrop

Not only does Cry-Baby have a fantastic cast and script, but the costumes are stellar as well. I admit to having quite a few “square” dresses currently hanging in my closet (thanks Mod Cloth!). But when Allison Vernon-Williams puts on those tight “hysterectomy pants” and makes out with Cry-Baby, I find myself wanting my own bad-girl beauty makeover. Just please don’t let Hatchet Face do my make-up. There are…. no words to describe that face. Cheers!

Top Five Crimes Against Christmas Trees

I know my readers were maybe expecting a top five list of boozy Christmas films, but there is something much more important to talk about this month.  Is anybody aware of just how many Christmas trees come into cinematic danger this time of year?  Perhaps I care too much, or perhaps I just like seeing people throw around their Christmas trees, ornaments be damned.  You’ll never know.  Without further ado, I present the Top Five Crimes Against Christmas Trees.

1)  Divine shoves her parents into a Christmas tree in Female Trouble.

Image credit Dreamland, 1974, Female Trouble

Image credit Dreamland, 1974, Female Trouble

No cha-cha heels for Christmas??  JUSTIFIED.

(For the full, amazing scene, check it out here)

 

2)  Mrs. Jorgenson shoves her daughter into a Christmas tree in A Summer Place.

Image credit Warner Bros, 1959, A Summer Place

Image credit Warner Bros, 1959, A Summer Place

Merry Christmas, Mama.

 

3)  The Griswold tree catches fire in Christmas Vacation.

Image Credit Warner Bros, 1989, Christmas Vacation

Image Credit Warner Bros, 1989, Christmas Vacation

Never leave a senile relative unattended near your tree.  Just sayin’.

 

4)  Shootout at a Christmas tree lot in Lethal Weapon.

Image credit Warner Bros, 1987, Lethal Weapon

Image credit Warner Bros, 1987, Lethal Weapon

The real crime is not bullets and cocaine flying around the Christmas trees.  The real crime is Mel Gibson’s mullet.

 

5)  Gremlins attack!!!!!!  (in Gremlins).

Image credit Warner Bros, 1984, Gremlins

Image credit Warner Bros, 1984, Gremlins

Scariest.  Christmas.  Ever.