Author: LizLocke

Action/Adventure/Heist

The Italian Job

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italian-job
Image credit: The Italian Job, 2003

I would never advocate drinking and driving, but who says you can’t drink and watch other people drive? This week I’m featuring a high-octane heist movie with cute cars, snappy dialogue, and Venetian scenery. The Italian Job (DVD/Download) is essentially the 4th Ocean’s Eleven film, wherein a ragtag group of attractive people steal gold from the bad guy. Although Mark Walburg is certainly no Clooney, those cute Mini Coopers zipping through tunnels and mansions makes up for it.

Although the film is called The Italian Job, precious little of it takes place in Italy. Nevertheless, I love the opening and closing shots of the Venetian canals. In real life I know St. Mark’s Square to be covered in dive-bombing pigeons, however in the movies it always looks so lovely. The bulk of the story takes place in and around LA as the professional bandits try to out-cross a double-crosser. The story isn’t terribly original, but it is a lot of fun. Supporting turns by Mos Def and Seth Green provide a good dose of comedy, and this is the one and only Jason Statham movie I have wanted to watch all the way through. So there’s that.

My cocktail this week is a little obvious, but no less delicious. Strong and smooth, like Charlize Theron cracking open a safe, it will have you dreaming of Venetian sunsets. While watching The Italian Job, I recommend drinking a Negroni.

Negroni

1 oz gin

1 oz Campari

1 oz sweet vermouth

Citrus peel

Stir gin, Campari, and vermouth together gently in a rocks glass with ice. Garnish with citrus peel.

negroni

The 2003 version of The Italian Job is one of the few remakes of a classic film that I actually like. I hesitate to even call it a remake of the 1969 version with Michael Caine because it’s really so different. I may have traded in my Mini for the Fiat Pop, but I’ll always have a fondness for Mini Coopers because of this movie. And now, Italian cocktails. Cheers!

Uncategorized

Center Stage

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Center Stage
Image credit: Center Stage, 2000

Ballet is having a moment. With recent books like Girl Through Glass and Astonish Me, as well as last year’s fabulous mini-series Flesh and Bone, this gorgeous art form is back in our consciousness. Sure, I could watch Black Swan and ooh and ah over the drama, the otherworldly bodies, and the sheer intensity of ballet. But what’s the fun in that? I’d rather watch Center Stage (DVD/Download), a campy teen-romance that doesn’t skimp on the shirtless guys in tights, or the so-bad-it’s-good acting. Ballet for the people, indeed.

Sure, there are some “serious issues” in Center Stage, such as eating disorders, body shaming, and disgusting feet. But all of this is balanced out by fabulous Erik O. Jones (O after Oprah), feisty, gum-chewing ballerina with attitude Eva Rodriguez (played by Zoe Saldana), and ballet badboy Cooper Nielson, who rides a motorcycle and dances with (gasp!) Broadway-types. And let’s not forget Maureen’s mom, part of that most frantic breed of stage moms, who utters the phrase “Why, why, WHY in God’s name WHY??!” with all the passion of a Douglas Sirk heroine. The dancing in this movie is actually quite good, as is the choreography. But what makes this a guilty pleasure for me is watching actual ballet dancers attempt serious acting. Oh, bless their hearts.

What do ballet dancers do when they want to cut loose? Head downtown for some margaritas and salsa dancing apparently. You would think since ballerinas are all of ninety pounds they would have some common sense when it comes to alcohol tolerance, but you would be wrong. Luckily, I personally don’t have this problem (something to be said for eating a cheeseburger once in awhile). While watching Center Stage, I recommend drinking a Skinny Margarita.

Skinny Margarita

1.5 oz Gold Tequila

2 oz fresh squeezed lime juice

1.5 oz lite orange juice (I used Trop 50)

1/2 tablespoon agave nectar

Coarse sea salt

First, rim a glass with sea salt and fill with ice. Then add all liquid ingredients to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake until chilled, then strain into prepared glass.

Skinny Margarita

Like Jodi Sawyer, this drink is sweet and salty, and will help you maintain a ballerina’s physique. Okay, maybe that last part isn’t exactly true, but it’s not too bad on the calorie count. I will never actually be as skinny as a ballerina, but that’s okay. I prefer cocktails to turnouts. Cheers!

Comedies

Old School

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old-school
Image credit:  Old School, 2003

I really shouldn’t like this week’s film as much as I do. Old School (DVD/Download) is, on the surface, a raucous comedy that should probably appeal to the lowest common denominator of frat-bros. But somehow, it still has me in stitches. Chalk it up to the surprisingly nuanced comedy of Will Ferrell, or perhaps just that one Graduate-throwback scene in the swimming pool. Whatever it is, it was enough to make me want to see this movie twice in the theater when it was released, and laugh my (earmuffs) ass off each time.

Although much of the action centers around three adult friends who decide to start a fraternity open to all ages, what always gets me are the simple jokes about real 30-something life. I mean, haven’t we all had a nice little Saturday involving Home Depot and Bed Bath ‘n Beyond? Or had to censor ourselves around small children? Or suffered through drunken wedding toasts? The more broadly comedic scenes involving old man Blue and KY wrestling matches may get more laughs, but for me, it’s the believable situations of couples counseling and children’s birthday parties that elevate the film to a higher standard.

Although this is certainly a beer-centric movie (and by all means, if you have a favorite brew from your college days, drink up), I’d like to make a drink for the ladies. For people who’ve seen the movie, you’ll know why I’m using vegetables in my cocktail. For people who haven’t, well, get ready for ladies night. While watching Old School, I recommend drinking a Cucumber Gimlet.  (Once it hits your lips, it’s so good!!)

Cucumber Gimlet

3 thin slices cucumber (plus 1 more for garnish)

1 sprig rosemary leaves (removed from stem)

4 oz Plymouth gin

1.5 oz fresh lime juice

1/2 oz simple syrup

Muddle cumber and rosemary together with simple syrup at the bottom of a shaker. Add gin and lime juice, and shake until chilled. Strain into a chilled martini glass, and garnish with a cucumber slice.

Cucumber Gimlet

I don’t know that I have a strong desire to relive my college days like the guys in this film (sadly, it would probably involve Easy Mac and an empty studio apartment), but the very act of watching Old School does it for me. As I’ve mentioned, I saw it twice in the theater, both times with good friends and lots of laughs. Isn’t that was college was really about anyway?  Cheers!

Comedies

Tootsie

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Tootsie
Image credit: Tootsie, 1982

Anybody who knows me is aware that I am slightly obsessed with soap operas. Unfortunately my long-time daytime favorites were cancelled a couple years ago, and grief prevented me from latching on to a different show. But, the memories remain. Evil twins, medical emergencies, drug additions, torrid affairs- how could anyone not get hooked? Any time I want a taste of the ridiculousness, I head for my closet and pull out this week’s film, Tootsie. Dustin Hoffman as a man playing a woman to land a part on a TV soap opera is pure genius, and a fabulous love letter to the genre it skewers.

What shocks me about Tootsie is its expert handling of the still-contentious notions of feminism, sexual harassment in the workplace, and gender roles. As we are ensconced in a 24-hour news cycle about the first major US female presidential candidate, and the implications it has for women the world over, I can’t help but think- didn’t Dorothy Michaels already say everything that needed to be said on this subject in 1982? Did we just stop listening? As Dorothy, Dustin Hoffman becomes a better man as a woman than he ever was as Michael Dorsey. Dorothy tells off condescending directors, fights against chauvinism and harassment, increases the ratings for her show, and does it all while battling a five o’clock shadow. As our politicians fight about transgender bathrooms and reproductive rights, I can’t help but wish that everyone would stop and ask themselves the simple question- What Would Dorothy Do? Hand out electric cattle prods, that’s what!

The supporting cast of Tootsie is also stellar, with top notch performances by director Sydney Pollack, Bill Murray, Terry Garr, Charles Durning, and Jessica Lange. Oddly, the only Oscar awarded for this film went to Jessica Lange, for her performance as boozy soap actress Julie. In honor of Julie, who is never without a glass of white wine, while watching Tootsie I recommend drinking a White Wine Sangria.

White Wine Sangria

1/8 cup sugar

2/3 cup water

¼ cup mint leaves

1 bottle dry white wine

½ cup Cointreau

2 cups lemon-lime soda

1 sliced Orange, Lemon, and Lime

Boil sugar and water together until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat, let stand 10 minutes. Combine sugar mixture, wine, mint, and Cointreau in a pitcher. Cover and chill 4 hours. Stir in soda and fruit just before serving in ice-filled wine glasses.

Sangria

Part of what I loved most about soap operas was the frequent incorporation of current events into the plotlines. From the AIDS crisis, to campus sexual assault, to mental health issues, daytime TV has always been at the forefront of social consciousness. The characters may make their point in designer clothing and perfectly coiffed hair, but like a cocktail, you need a little sugar to make the hard stuff go down easier. Dorothy Michaels may give a man a scathing lecture, but she’ll do it with a smile and a touch of charm.  Cheers!

Comedies

The Money Pit

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money pit
Image credit: The Money Pit, 1986

As I embark on my first major home renovation, one image keeps streaming through my head- Tom Hanks, clinging desperately to a staircase, as his house collapses around him. Granted, my project is just a simple kitchen, but it’s still shocking how quickly even the smallest project can become like The Money Pit (DVD/Download). Budget? Double it. Time? Double it. Sanity? Kiss it goodbye.

I was lucky to find a house that didn’t need a lot of initial work when I moved in eight years ago, unlike Tom Hanks and Shelley Long in The Money Pit. They land a bargain on an enormous mansion, only to find that it needs a staggering amount of renovation. Costs spiral as their relationship implodes, and this funny 80’s slapstick comedy becomes a cautionary tale of home ownership. It’s no wonder Shelley Long is basically drunk throughout this process -my own bar is also heavily stocked! Maybe then I won’t care when workers show up late (if at all), or when my house is enveloped in a cloud of dust, or when my savings account dwindles before my eyes. Enough martinis and you can survive anything.

As anyone who’s ever done a home renovation can tell you, the contractor is king.  Actually, he’s like a mythical creature who you pay enormous sums of money to, before waiting around hopelessly for an encore appearance.  The Shirk Bros. embody this archetype perfectly, and that name- spot on.  In ode to their musical tastes, while watching The Money Pit I recommend drinking an I Gotta Bee Me Martini.

I Gotta Bee Me Martini

4 oz vodka

1 oz lemon juice

1 tablespoon honey

1 tablespoon warm water

Combine honey and warm water in a cocktail shaker and stir it until the honey is dissolved. Add vodka, lemon juice, and ice and shake vigorously until chilled. Strain into a cocktail glass.

Bee Martini

This cocktail seems easy enough for me to make while I’m held hostage in another part of the house for a week (or two, or three- we’ll see). Luckily I have a partner who’s in this all the way with me; someone who won’t accuse me of seducing an ex to pay for a new oven. After all, he knows I hate to cook. Cheers!

Comedies

Welcome to the Dollhouse

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welcome to the dollhouse
Image credit: Welcome to the Dollhouse, 1995

Middle school is rough. Nobody looks good, kids are cruel, and college seems hopelessly far away. As the current wife of a middle school teacher, I have observed that not much has changed in the last 20 years, including my perspective. I always say, if you liked middle school, you were doing it wrong. What got me through? The brilliantly dark and hilarious film Welcome to the Dollhouse (DVD/Download). Just knowing that somebody out there created a character like Dawn Weiner made me feel a little less alone, and to be honest, a little better about myself. No matter how bad you had it in middle school, nobody had it as bad as Weiner Dog.

Persecuted by her peers and her parents, Dawn is just trying to get through the day without being ridiculed, tormented, or embarrassed. It doesn’t help that she wears her elastic waist shorts practically up to her chest, and has some unfortunate Coke-bottle glasses. (Hey, I wore turtlenecks and sweatshirts. Together. No judgement here). What truly sets Dawn up for failure is her inability to realize the hopelessness of her crush on suburban New Jersey heartthrob Steve Rogers. He’s older, he’s in a band, and he’s cute. This will never end well.

As part of her seduction plan, Dawn offers Steve fish sticks and Hawaiian Punch after school in her parent’s kitchen. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like processed frozen foods and sugary drinks. While watching Welcome to the Dollhouse, I recommend drinking an After School Special.

After School Special

4 oz Hawaiian Punch

2 oz Cranberry Vodka

2 oz Lemon-lime soda

Jell-O Jiggler (optional garnish)

Build drink over ice, stirring gently. Garnish with a Jell-O Jiggler.

After School Special

I know that writer/director Todd Solondz just released Weiner Dog, a sequel-of-sorts to Welcome to the Dollhouse. However, I made the difficult decision not to see it during its theatrical release due to its rumored graphic violence against dogs (I learned my lesson after watching The Lobster!). I know, a true Solondz fan would have just sucked it up. But I’ve come a long way since middle school. The world doesn’t seem quite so bleak and heartless anymore. Maybe Dawn feels the same way. Then again, probably not. Cheers!

Action/Adventure/Heist

The Martian

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the-martian
Image credit: The Martian, 2015

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty much over this summer weather. The sun is a relentless flaming ball that scorches me the second I walk outside, and my yard has become a barren wasteland. I’m actually seeing a lot of parallels between Texas weather and life on Mars in this week’s film The Martian (DVD/Download). Those scenes of Matt Damon gasping for breath as his space suit fails and he’s exposed to the atmosphere? Me, on the walk to the car in the morning.

I didn’t expect to like The Martian as much as I did. I thought it would be yet another big budget sci-fi/action film with a ton of special effects and not much real acting. I couldn’t have been more wrong. It turns out that director Ridley Scott made a compelling film about the triumph of the human spirit against terrible odds. In the end, surviving life on Mars isn’t all that different than surviving life on Earth- you just solve one problem at a time. Granted, problems like a lack of water, oxygen, and food are bigger than, say, my Wi-Fi going out, but we all have our struggles. As Matt Damon MacGyver’s his way through farming and rocket engineering on a planet not meant to support human life, it reminds me that if he can do all that, I can handle a power-cycle with a tech support guy from India.

To survive on Mars, you have to get creative with food and beverages. Left with only a limited supply of rations, astronaut Mark Watney is forced to make his own water and grow his own potatoes. If he’d had more time, and if his space station hadn’t blown up, he might have parlayed this into vodka production. I have no doubt he could do it. While watching The Martian, I recommend drinking a Martian Screwdriver.

Martian Screwdriver

4 oz Tang

2 oz Potato Vodka

Build drink over ice, stirring gently to combine.

martian screwdriver

Although it features a strong supporting cast (um… Kristin Wiig what are you doing in this??), The Martian really is Matt Damon’s tour de force. His performance brings laughs and tears, and the fear on his face as he’s about to lift off into space in an open-air space craft gets me all choked up, every time. All I can say is- welcome back to the world of great actors Mr. Damon. There’s nobody else I’d rather be stranded with. Cheers!

Children's · Classic Films

Freaky Friday

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Freaky Friday
Image credit: Freaky Friday, 1976

Kids month concludes with yet another Disney gem later remade with Lindsay Lohan. Once again (though not surprisingly), I prefer the original. Freaky Friday (DVD/Download) started out a fantastic novel that I stumbled onto in the public library as a child, and happily the movie adaptation does not disappoint. Starring Jodie Foster and Barbara Harris as a mother and daughter who switch bodies for the day, this film is a wonderful 1970’s time capsule full of bad special effects, bell bottom pants, and synchronized water skiing.

It’s shocking that Jodie Foster made Freaky Friday the same year as Taxi Driver, because the roles couldn’t be more different. Field hockey playing tomboy Annabelle Andrews is a far cry from child prostitute Iris, and it just illustrates the talent she had at such a young age. The one thing I always related to was Annabelle’s preference for junk food. Banana splits for breakfast?  Sign me up! As an adult she switches to cold macaroni and cheese- another stellar choice. I never wanted to switch places with my working mother, but had she been a housewife like the elder Mrs. Andrews, I might have been tempted. Sure laundry and grocery shopping are drags, but it’s not like those have to be done every day. There would have been plenty of time left over for soap operas and raw cookie dough binges.

One thing about Mrs. Andrews that I can relate to is the pressure of throwing a dinner party. If I were cooking, I’m pretty sure limp parsley and burnt turkey would end up on my menu too. But dang that chocolate mousse looks good, even on the walls. Therefore this week, while watching Freaky Friday, I recommend making a Grown-Up Chocolate Mousse.

Grown-Up Chocolate Mousse

1/4 cup instant chocolate mousse mix (I used Dr. Oetker brand)

2/3 cup cold milk

2 Tablespoons Amaretto

2 Tablespoons Baileys irish crème liqueur

Whipped Cream and chocolate chips for garnish

Combine mousse mix, milk, Amaretto, and Baileys in a bowl.  Beat on high with electric mixer for 3-5 minutes, or until thickened.  Refrigerate for at least an hour, then top with whipped cream and chocolate chips.

grown up mousse

Although this dessert isn’t technically a cocktail, it’s got booze and lots of chocolate. Teenage me AND adult me thoroughly approves. Would I ever want to switch places with another person I know? No, probably not. However every morning when I look longingly at my napping dog and head out to the office, the thought does cross my mind. But then I think of Freaky Friday and remember- nobody wants to eat kibble. Not even on a smorgasbord. Cheers!

Children's · Comedies

The Sandlot

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The Sandlot
Image credit: The Sandlot, 1993

The Sultan of Swat! The Titan of Terror! The King of Crash! The Colossus of Clout! THE GREAT BAMBINO! Like Smalls in this week’s film The Sandlot (DVD/Download), I grew up clueless about all Babe Ruth euphemisms. You mean he’s not just a candy bar?? , said my ten-year-old self.  I credit The Sandlot and A League of Their Own with teaching me everything a gal needs to know about faking her way through an interest in summertime baseball. This was of course a helpful skill if I was ever going to become the future Mrs. Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez.

With Stand By Me-esque narration and a realistic depiction of awkward blended families, The Sandlot is a great coming-of-age story set in an era when kids could just play ball for hours without worrying about being kidnapped or strangled on the way home. Their greatest danger was a drooling English Mastiff behind a rusted fence, and the wrath of an oddly quiet Denis Leary once he learned his Babe Ruth-autographed baseball had been lost. And everyone knows Leary’s a Red Sox fan. So… yeah. No real danger there.

After gaining valuable life lessons on teamwork, the dangers of chewing tobacco, and kissing a hot lifeguard, the kids manage to get into “the biggest pickle” and have to resort to creative problem-solving. So while watching The Sandlot, I recommend drinking a Dirty Pickle.

Dirty Pickle

4 oz vodka

1/2 tsp dry vermouth

2 tsp dill pickle juice

Small dill pickles for garnish

 In a shaker filled with ice, combine vodka, vermouth, and pickle juice.   Shake until chilled, then strain into a martini glass.  Garnish with a pickle spear.

dirty pickle

Who would have thought that 23 years later, I’d still be watching The Sandlot on a hot July day, hoping that nobody would make me go outside and play. Gotta say though, I’m glad to have graduated from a Fruitopia to a chilled cocktail. Cheers!

Classic Films

The Parent Trap

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The Parent Trap
Image Credit: The Parent Trap, 1961

Kid’s Month continues on Cinema Sips this week with the beloved Disney classic, The Parent Trap (DVD/Download).  I know a lot of people love the re-make, but for me it’s Hayley Mills 4Ever.  A great summertime movie filled with horseback riding, canoes, and mosquito bites, the original film will always be a favorite.

From the creepy stop-motion animation dolls in the opening credits to the obvious split screen special effects, this movie has vintage charm written all over it. As Susan and her “twin sister” Sharon get to know each other, they crush hard on Ricky Nelson and dance to Annette Funicello records. One can almost overlook the implausible plot that two loving parents would divorce and separate their twins, never telling the children about the fact that they have a sibling out in the world. Everyone is just so darn likable, that previous bizarre custody agreements get swept under the rug. Popsicles for everyone!

Susan and Sharon are miraculously reunited at summer camp, where they begin hatching a plan to get their parents back together. I myself was never a fan of camp (communal bathrooms and mildew… shudder) but 1960’s summer camp actually looks pretty fun. Even more fun is the eventual camping trip they take with hunky dad Brian Kieth, which is filled with fishing, cuddly bear cubs, and the villainous Miss Vicky. While watching The Parent Trap, I recommend drinking a Campfire Martini.

Campfire Martini

3 oz chocolate liqueur

½ oz vodka

2 ½ oz half-and-half

Crushed graham cracker crumbs

Chocolate syrup

Marshmallows (toasted)

To prepare glass, lightly dip the rim of a martini glass in chocolate syrup, then dip in graham cracker crumbs. To make drink, combine chocolate liqueur, vodka, and half-and-half in a shaker filled with ice. Shake until chilled, then strain into prepared glass. Garnish with toasted marshmallows, speared.

Campfire Martini

While most of the actresses in The Parent Trap have decidedly “old lady” haircuts (even teenaged Hayley Mills), Maureen O’Hara still stands out as a genuine stunner. Classy, funny, tough, beautiful- she’s a real woman. Who wouldn’t fall for her over a candlelit dinner at Martinelli’s? As a kid I came for Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills. As an adult, I stay for O’Hara (and hunky dad Brian Kieth). Cheers!